Pat Nolan Blog

The tortoise and the air

Closing Time likes the one about the man who comes into a pub carrying a tortoise under his arm.

The tortoise has one black eye and a bandaged paw while a number of cracks on its shell have been repeatedly taped together with a criss-cross of plasters.

— “What’s wrong with the tortoise,” asks the barman.

— “Absolutely nothing!” responds the customer, “In fact I bet you that this turtle is faster than your dog.”

— “I doubt that,” offered the barman, the proud owner of a racing greyhound who was at that very moment fast asleep behind the bar.

— “OK, take your dog and stand him at the end of your bar,” says the customer, “Then go the the other end of the room and call your dog to come to you as fast as he can. I’ll bet you €100 that my tortoise can get to that end of the room before your dog”.

The likelihood of this not happening was too much for the barman who took on the bet – as did a few of his customers.

Sitting his greyhound down at the end of the bar the barman went off to the other side of the room.

On the agreed count of three he called and gesticulated furiously to his faithful pet.

At which point the customer picked up his tortoise and hurled it across the room where it splatted into the wall just as the greyhound was getting to half-way across the intervening space.

— “Told you so – that’ll be €100 please,” said the customer, looking to the barman and his betting customers – and looking forward too to a celebratory tipple….

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