Pat Nolan Blog

Did you hear about….. Heard it say?

Julian was a waiter on the Russian front........

Julian was a waiter on the Russian front. One guy would serve a tray of snacks and Julian would duly follow with drinks. As he said at his trial, he was only following hors d’oeuvres.

If this is the standard of your humour and you’ve a few hours to while away during the quieter times at the bar this month, then you could do a lot worse than get yourself a copy of Heard it say, a new collection of jokes, cartoons and celebrity quotes from’s Michael Cullen with cartoons by Aidan Dowling.

The book covers the gamut and includes a number of japes not unconnected to the licensed trade including a few old chestnuts such as the one from Tommy Cooper in the Introduction to the book:

“This fellow walked into a bar with a chicken under one arm and a crocodile under the other. The barman said, ‘What’ll you have?’.

“He said, ‘A whiskey and soda’. Then the crocodile spoke up and said, ‘That’s amazing. I’ve never seen a crocodile that could talk before’.

“He said, ‘He can’t. The chicken’s a ventriloquist’”.

There are worse ways of spending €9.95 in order to be able to regale your customers with gems such as:

A man went up to actress Charlene McKenna in l’Ecrivain restaurant and told her she was a doppelganger for Charlene McKenna – but not as tall. She told him it was because she was sitting down.

And there’s no shortage of quasi-acclaim for the book either: “I couldn’t put it down” said a vet in Galway while Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary was plain, describing it as “Full of cheap take-offs”. The Meterological Office took a raincheck on it but did venture out to say that the book was “guaranteed to brighten up your day”.


"I got a ticket for the match no problem, but getting in to Coppers afterwards - no chance." Cartoon courtesy of Aidan Dowling

“I got a ticket for the match no problem, but getting in to Coppers afterwards – no chance.” Cartoon courtesy of Aidan Dowling.









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